Screw You, Lover: An Enemies To Lovers Romance Read online

  Making the water of the shower a little colder, I try and focus back on the task at hand. I’d say it’s not normal to be thinking about what I’m going to text my childhood enemy first thing in the morning…

  But I’d be lying. It happens all the time.

  Hey, what can I say? It’s just the way we’ve always been. Getting under each other’s skin. Using each other for motivation. In a weird way, it’s almost a little helpful.

  And it’s pretty fucking fun, too.

  ***

  “Hey, these are poisonous, right?” Matt asks, holding up a huge block of ice with a bunch of pufferfish frozen inside it.

  “Yeah…” I say, bringing the last couple crates out of the back of the delivery truck, “I think you have to slice them a certain way.”

  “Alright,” Matt says, dropping the cube back into the box it came from, “I’ll call around to some Japanese restaurants and see if anyone wants to buy them from us.”

  “Sounds good,” I say, heading past the truck and towards the door to the kitchen.

  But I don’t make it there.

  In fact, I almost drop a couple hundred dollars worth of Japanese radishes on the asphalt.

  Because on the other side of the parking lot, standing in front of the empty storefront where the Burrito Barn used to be and Riley’s Pizza Kitchen used to be before that, is a girl who looks a lot like Riley. Long brown hair, curvy, kind of on the short side. Same fashion sense too, she’s wearing all black…

  No fucking way, right? I mean, I know she sent me that text, but there’s no fucking way.

  “Wait, is that Riley?” Matt asks as he catches up to me.

  Then, hearing her name from the other side of the lot, she turns to look our way.

  And yeah, it’s really her.

  For the first time in five years, Riley Bishop, the bane of my existence for pretty much my entire childhood, is standing right in front of me.

  I don’t say anything.

  Neither does she.

  We just stand there looking at each other, like two cowboys squaring off at high noon, for what feels like a full fucking minute.

  And then, she flips me off.

  I guess she really is back.

  Chapter 3: Riley

  Five Years Earlier

  Hey Groundhog, did you hear the news?

  NOT responding to that nickname.

  You just did…

  Anyway, just got out of Huffer’s office. She says that now that I’m officially valedictorian, you have to call me Mr. Valedictorian for the rest of your life, which I thought was a little weird, but hey, she’s the vice principal, so we should probably do what she says. Normally, I’d gloat a little more about beating you, but I think I’ll save most of the gloating for my graduation party on Friday.

  She did NOT say that, and you’re NOT the valedictorian!!!!!!! And don’t even bother sitting down and coming up with stupid gloaty stuff to say at the party: I’m NOT going.

  Funny, that’s what you said about my last hundred parties. And then, like clockwork, you show up in one of your I’m-too-cool-to-be-here black dresses and drink my alcohol just like everyone else. Just don’t blow my chances with any girls this time, and we should be alright.

  Oh, don’t worry: those poor unfortunate girls can exercise their bad judgment all they want, because I’ll be at home, doing something productive with my life!

  See you on Friday ;)

  ***

  Dear Superintendent Brown,

  There’s been a HORRIBLE mistake at Westchester High. My valedictorian status has been unfairly stolen from me because of an extra credit question, and I need you to call Vice Principal Huffer and tell her that I’m the real valedictorian!

  I frown at my laptop screen.

  This sounds way less convincing written out than it did in my head.

  Meanwhile, across the street, a Katy Perry song is blasting out of Liam’s stupid industrial-strength speakers and half my graduating class is singing along.

  Sneaking a curious look that I immediately regret, I see a crowd of people spilling out onto Liam’s front lawn, batting a giant inflatable whale up in the air like a beach ball.

  I narrow my eyes at the whale, which has a stupid tongue-sticking-out smile that feels like it was picked out specifically to get under my skin.

  Because whales are our school mascot. And if I had noticed the tiny extra credit question at the bottom of the page asking what our school mascot was on Mr. McBriar’s stupid AP Calculus test, I’d be the valedictorian right now instead of him.

  Slamming the blinds down on my window so the inflatable whale doesn’t keep staring into my soul, I turn back to my laptop and start rewriting my letter to the superintendant.

  Dear Superintendant Brown,

  I have reason to believe that Liam Bryce is engaged in a massive, school-wide conspiracy to inflate his grades, and while I have no actual proof that this is true, he needs to be expelled IMMEDIATELY. Think about it: there’s no way someone with Liam’s limited intelligence could become valedictorian without a ridiculous amount of cheating. It’s just not possible!

  Okay, I’m not sure this is very convincing either. I think I might need to run it by a lawyer first.

  And hey, there’s a lawyer downstairs right now, drinking wine with my parents!

  Too bad she’s Liam’s mom.

  Yeah, that’s right. Liam’s parents let him throw parties in their house. They think of them as networking events for their son. And when they do, they usually come over here. And when they’re over here, they always try and get me to go join the party.

  Have you ever had a lawyer try and convince you to go to a party? It’s not easy to say no.

  There’s a soft knock on my bedroom door, and Dad pokes his head in.

  “Mom made some little pizzas,” he says, holding up a plate of tiny flatbreads covered in olives, prosciutto, and gooey, delicious-looking cheese.

  “Yes please,” I say, getting up and taking the plate from him.

  This is definitely one of the perks of having a restaurant-owning badass for a mom: delicious food delivered to your room when you least expect it.

  Walking back to my desk with a little pizza in my mouth, I turn around and see Dad still standing in the doorway. “So...are you sure you don’t want to get out there and join your classmates? It looks like a fun party.”

  “It’s not,” I say, looking quickly down at the laptop screen and typing a string of random letters to try and look busy.

  Dad shrugs. “I mean, I guess as your dad, I’m supposed to be happy that you’re safe at home instead of drinking at a party...but I think it would mean a lot to Liam if you showed up.”

  Yeah, it probably would mean a lot to Liam if he could humiliate me in front of all of our classmates. “I’m sure it would...I just have a lot of work to do.”

  Dad nods like he understands, though I’m not really sure how he could. “Okay, I just thought I’d put in a good word for celebrating with your friends before they graduate and start their lives. You never know what type of memories you could make on a night like tonight. Anyway, there’s more little pizzas downstairs if you get hungry.”

  Dad shuts the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room again, and I sigh.

  He knows exactly what he’s doing.

  Trying to get me all sentimental so I go to the party.

  And unfortunately, it’s working.

  I try to hold out, looking at my letter to the superintendant one more time.

  But by the time the last little flatbread pizza is gone off my plate, I know it’s only a matter of time before I’m across the street with everyone else.

  And that’s when my phone vibrates on my desk, my sister Sam’s face sticking her tongue out at me from the screen.

  I pick it up and look down at her message.

  Matt Thompson just looked at me and did this weird half smile thing, and then I did the same thing with the other side of my mouth. What sho
uld I do!? HELP!

  Okay, I guess I’m going now. Sam’s been crushing on Matt Thompson ever since he started hanging out at Liam’s house, and I’m too good of a big sister to stay here and shove pins in my Liam voodoo doll while she needs my help.

  So I guess we’re doing this.

  With a sigh, I close my laptop, open my closet, and pull out one of my I’m-too-cool-to-be-here black dresses. Then, I get ready to go out, making sure my looks screams “Fuck you, Liam” as much as possible.

  Lots of eyeliner, black fingernails, that kind of thing.

  I may or may not be going through a little bit of a goth phase.

  Then, I head downstairs, passing my parents, gathered around the kitchen table with Liam’s parents sharing a bottle of wine from Mom’s restaurant.

  “Oh, great,” Dad says, with a knowing smile, “So you finished your work early?”

  “Yep,” I say, “And Sam just texted me, so I’m going to go hang out with her.”

  “I’m glad you’re going,” Liam’s mom says, raising her glass to me, “I hope you make some great memories tonight.”

  “I’ll try,” I say, heading for the front door and stepping out into the night.

  There are so many people out in Liam’s front yard now that they’ve spilled into the street, with a couple groups of students hanging out on my lawn. I wade through the crowd, towards the house I’ve had the misfortune of being in way too many times, to see my sister and hopefully not to see Liam. And as I step into the crowd of people on Liam’s front lawn, his stupid whale comes flying through the air, headed right for me.

  I punch it right in the face, sending it flipping head over tail back up into the air, and I keep walking towards the backyard.

  Chapter 4: Riley

  When I finally find Sam, she’s glued to the wall of Liam’s family’s backyard guesthouse, pretending to be interested in a game of beer pong.

  “Oh!” She says when she spots me, her eyes lighting up behind her glasses, “You’re here!”

  “Yep!” I say, watching a couple of Liam’s friends on the lacrosse team attempt beer pong shots with their eyes closed. “Where’s Matt?”

  “Well,” Sam says, blushing and lowering her voice to a whisper, “He kept looking at me, but every time I wanted to go over and talk to him, one of his friends pulled him back into the kitchen.”

  I look around the guesthouse. “And you’re way out here because...”

  “I got nervous! I didn’t want to get rejected with all those people around! I’ve been trying to get into the party spirit by watching beer pong, and eventually, I’ll probably go back in and talk to him. He hasn’t left, has he?”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure. I didn’t see him on the way in.”

  Sam furrows her brow. “I hope he hasn’t left to a cooler graduation party already.”

  I gesture towards the beer pong table. “Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure this is the cool graduation party.”

  I look back and forth between Sam and the beer pong table. I may not know where Matt is, but I know one thing: she’s not going to run into him out here without a little intervention.

  “Okay,” I say, “Why don’t I go back to the house and find Matt, then I’ll tell you where he is and what he’s doing?”

  Sam nods with determination. “Good idea. I’ll keep waiting out here.”

  “Perfect,” I say, a sly smile creeping across my face.

  Then, I slink across Liam’s backyard, looking through the windows for any sign of Matt...or Liam.

  And when I don’t see either of them, I head inside through the back door, taking a deep breath of relief as the deafening Katy Perry that was blasting outside gets muffled by the walls of the house.

  I finally spot Matt in the kitchen, standing over the stove with a frying pan in his hand.

  “Hey,” I say, sidling up next to him, “What are you cooking?”

  He shrugs, flipping the bacon in the frying pan with a surprisingly skilled flick of his wrist. “Chocolate-covered bacon.”

  “Sounds, uh, good...” I say, eying a plate of peanut butter clusters next to the stove, “BUT! When you’re done with that, you need to come out to the guesthouse. Sam’s destroying everyone at beer pong out there, and she’s talking so much trash about you.”

  “What!?” The frying pan almost falls out of Matt’s hand, “Really!?”

  Biting my lip, I nod. “Yeah, I don’t know how she learned how to do that, she’s not even a senior, but she’s challenging you to come out there and play her. She’s telling everyone she’s about to destroy you, and she says if you actually somehow beat her...she’ll go on a date with you.”

  “Huh,” Matt says, the tiniest hint of a blush creeping onto his face as he knocks a bunch of condiments off the shelf reaching for a bottle of chocolate syrup, “Well, I can’t just, you know, let that stand without defending myself.”

  “Exactly,” I say, an evil smile creeping across my face as I watch Matt half-heartedly drizzle a messy zig-zag of chocolate syrup across the bacon strips.

  “That’s chocolate-covered enough, right?”

  I nod. “I think so.”

  Then, I pop a peanut butter cluster in my mouth, and my eyes go wide as I start to chew it. “Matt, this is amazing. You’re a really good cook.”

  Matt looks surprised. “Oh, no, I didn’t make those.”

  “I did.”

  Mid-chew, I freeze in place at the sound of the voice behind me.

  I recognize it instantly.

  It’s him.

  I turn around and almost slam right into Liam, his stupid messy shock of thick black hair hanging down into his chocolate brown eyes.

  “Nice try,” I say taking a quick step back from the douchebag who just appeared out of thin air, “But there’s no way you cooked this, because I didn’t vomit instantly when I put it in my mouth.”

  “Actually,” Matt says from behind me, hastily dumping chocolate-covered bacon strips out onto a plate, “He did. I just watched him do it.”

  I shoot Matt a look.

  Don’t you have an awesome, adorable girl you should be playing beer pong with in the guest house right now?

  “Alright, man,” Matt says to Liam, catching my eyes, “Sorry I rushed the bacon, but I just got challenged at beer pong.”

  “It’s alright,” Liam says, cocking an eyebrow at me, “It looks like the peanut butter clusters might be enough.”

  “Let’s hope so,” Matt says, circling around us, practically throwing open the door to the backyard, and hustling outside.

  Okay. Mission accomplished.

  Now I can go home.

  “Liam!”

  One of Liam’s lacrosse teammates appears in the kitchen hallway. “It’s your turn. Riley!”

  Quizzically, I look over at the lacrosse player, surprised he even knows who I am. “We’re playing Circle of Death, and a bunch of players just left, so it’s more like Triangle of Death right now. Come join!”

  Well, as fun as that sounds, I have a letter to the superintendant to write, so… “Actually, I think I’m going to head back—”

  Liam grins at his teammate. “She’s chickening out.”

  Stopping in my tracks, I whip around to face Liam, my fists clenched.

  “I’m actually not chickening out, Liam. I’m heading back to the sink for a glass of water so I can stay hydrated, and then I’m going to destroy you so bad, it’s all anyone will be thinking about when you give your graduation speech.”

  Liam’s teammate shrugs. “It’s not really that type of game…”

  “It is now,” I say, returning from the kitchen sink with an ice-cold glass of water filled to the brim, “Let’s do this.”

  Chapter 5: Liam

  Obviously, Riley did not destroy me at Circle of Death.

  Of course, I didn’t really destroy her either. Will was right about it not being that type of game.

  Instead, we took turns drawing playing cards from a circle, and ever
y card had a different rule for what you do when you draw it. Fives mean all the guys drink, sixes mean all the girls drink, stuff like that.

  There was a game of Never-Have-I-Ever, though.

  And I have to say, it was pretty interesting.

  Apparently, the girl who constantly tells me I’m going to end up alone has never had a boyfriend before.

  Which means I’m pretty sure someone’s been projecting this whole time.

  After that, Riley left the game, claiming that her parents told her she had to be back home soon, which, considering her little sister is still back in the guesthouse talking to Matt, is an obvious lie. And it probably had something to do with me drawing another nine, triggering a second game of Never-Have-I-Ever.

  Now that Riley’s gone, it’s getting pretty boring. Will just knocked the cards off the rim of the cup, which means he has to finish the drink.

  Which is what the seven people still left at this party are chanting for right now.

  “Drink! Drink! Drink!”

  Will shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, then throws his head back and tosses the last of the nasty vodka-fruit punch-red wine-two different types of beer mixture down his throat in one gulp, causing the whole party to cheer.

  And immediately after that, everyone left at the party starts to leave. Which is fair, it’s pretty late at this point.

  Once they’re gone, a little wobbly on my feet from the drinking game, I get up and check the guest house, just to make sure the two beer pong lovebirds aren’t still back there making eyes at each other.

  Well, the lights are off, so let’s hope they’re not still in there. I’m just going to go ahead and assume I’m the last one here. And that means it’s time to clean this place up before my parents get back.

  I head out into the front yard first, figuring that’s the first thing they’ll see.

  Fuck, it’s a mess out here. There are red plastic cups everywhere, and the whale balloon from earlier looks sad and deflated as it hangs off the corner of the awning of the front porch.